More than you could ever imagine

Yesterday Anesthetic Doctor went through my record and about to get my concern signature for her to start the procedure.

'Mem, you've been through a lot already'

I just smile.

'But I see you moving on, and life goes on.'

Yeah, nothing bothering me.

'You are very positive person.'

Ya Allah, ampuni dosaku, dan permudahkan perjalananku, Amin!

The most thrilled & risky journey begins..

Frankly, I do not like to write about this neither to talk about this..

but I promise there would be a closing entry later..

I'm on my 13th++ weeks pregnancy n counting..

why counting?

I'm in high risk pregnancy..

I got brain tumor, incompetence cervix, high chance of preterm labour, history of spotting episodes and many more...

Unlike others, I do not like to talk about my pregnancy as I choose to refrain myself from being too excited..

It is also doesn't mean that I do not like this pregnancy...

I've been waiting for this moment altho I know that I'm not a tumor-free..

Chances of getting another clubfoot baby is at 30%..but I'm not worry about that..

Quietly excited about this pregnancy would prepare myself for any circumstances..if any..

It is easy for me to let go, If Allah wants it back..

I know I can easily let go for every bad things that happen to me..

But of course, it will forever be in my heart ..it will keep on coming back..

So when people asking me about my pregnancy, I choose to silent myself or just smile & change topic..

I need your silent prayers for me...

I don't need comfort words or hugs..

I've been through this before and this time I will be more than ready..

Semoga Allah permudahkan kandungan ini, anak di dalam kandungan ini dan ibunya...AMIN!

Birthday Party

haih...tiring april..

starts with moving house..

then Dania's 4th Birthday party at nursery..

then housewarming pulak..

Alhamdullilah...all ends well..

Rumah at mess, lunch ready just on time, guest coming in non-stop..

Although ada hiccups, but it's okay..

As long as anak mama happy..

Cranky tak cukop tido plus helium balloon tiba2 terbang..

Heard she asked her friends to call her Jessie..:p

Thank u so much for those who came..

Thank u so much for those who involved with this party plan, preparation & execution..

Thank u so much for helping this OKU.

Life begins in Casa Dania..

We officially move to CD...

Yesterday, we've rented 3 tonnes lorry to bring all big stuff from PH to CD..

Dalam tengah busy pikir which need to transfer and what not, I'm still worried about Dania 1st day at kindie.. Dengan pelat dia, dgn nap time yang berjam2, scheduled eating hours, susu botol lagik, cebok lagik..

I'm on leave today but I'm thinking not to stay in the kindie and I want to let her to make friends with others..

At 6.45am, she still sleepy and tido lambat sebab main game..

mmg nak kene ban ipad ni..

So lepas mandi, she is so excited wearing the kindie tshirt and yesterday night I have briefed her on what to bring for shower, what clothes to wear, where to keep toileteries, wet clothes to put into plastic, susu, botol, drink water & I put aside dua bungkus roti krim for her quick snack..

I've told her it's okay to leave the tudung if panas but if she can maintain, it would be better.

I've told her to ignore if she got teased by nasty friends..you got nothing to lose girl..

I've told her to ask her teacher to make her susu before taking her nap...

I've told this and that..a lot more..macam dia paham pon..

I've even teach for script how to ask for susu, ask for snacks, call for cebok, macam2 lah..

Eh, I'm the one who worried soo much...very much..

Biasalah she is my first child pon and I would want to teach her on my own pon kan..

Sempat main basikal kejap, lepas tuh salam Babah, and pakai 'kudung'..

End up, we leave the house at 7.45am ( lucky I'm on leave)..

so boleh bawak kereta terhegeh2 lagik.. Sempat lagi pesan itu ini..

Kenit pon dengar ajek mama membebel..

We reached the kindie after about 10 minutes driving ( it can be 5 minutes ajek pon)..

Banyak pulak kereta pagi2 ni..

Sampai ajek kindie, she says babai mama, jangan lupa jempit Dania.jemput lambat2 sikit..

Dalam hati aku..huh? bukan main rileks ajek minah ni..aku ajek yg beriya risau..

So, there you go..she makes friends, make herself comfortable at the kindie...

Mama pon dgn senang hatinya, pass her bag, tilam & bantal to the teachers and kiss her goodbye..

Ok, why Islamic Kindergarten?

To train her to become a good khalifah during her young age..

I want her to become a wise person with good character & attitude...

Belajar solat 5 waktu, puasa, iqra', sunnah, hadis, doa..macam2..

I want her to bersyukur and says alhamdullilah every day for all the opportunities given by Allah..

Dlm dunia ni dah tak banyak orang2 baik..tapi kenapa kene jadik jahat pulak..

Tapi biarlah kami mengejar ke jalan kebaikan yg diredhai Allah..

Life is so short, so be good..:D

Academic is also important but later..that one I know how to push..:D

She turns 4 today

Alhamdullilah..

She officially turns 4..Do you know her EDD (Estimate Delivery Date) supposed to be on 16th May, 2007?

Heh...she is so excited for early delivery..

She is so special to me..so precious..

Some of friends asked me to take them as my children, errr...

Are you sure?

You can get scolded almost every day for not doing this and that..

I can just throw your toys straight to dustbin if you can't keep it properly...

I can just scream madly to you if you do not listen to what I've told..

I can just out of my mind...

Sometimes she would asked me, Mama suka marah2 Dania?

Some people says I've given her too much attention...

Some says I teach her to become materialistic too soon..

Some says this and some says that..

But who cares?

I'm nearly not able to witness her 1st birthday..she just 9 months and she almost lost her mom..

Episodes of bleeding when I was carrying her is the most unforgettable memory..

The cerlage, and the pain that I've been through, and ...

I think no one should question how should I raise her..

I will decide on how to celebrate my life with her..

and I know my limit..

Sorry to tell you this..

You do not know how I've built this strength to went through our hard times..

You do not know what was in my mind for every step that I take, every decision that I've to make..

It is not easy but please don't tell me to stay positive or you claim that understand how I felt..

No you don't understand..trust me, you don't..

Now she is 4, Alhamdullilah I'm still here and still with her..

She is my girl and always be..

She is my motivation to live..the love of my life..

Happy 4th Birthday Dania Insyirah..

Mama will always love you till the end of time..